I always go back to the chapter on Jesus' bringing back Lazarus to life. For this chapter has ministered to me during pivotal points of my life-when I was hospitalized, when I was doing my thesis and finally when my mother almost left us.
I read the chapter again. Alone, locked in the farthest, lowest prayer closet. I was seeking the heart of heaven, pounding desperately at her gates for a whisper, a mutter, a flutter.
And yes, it did minister again. I read the first few words... Lazarus was a sick man. The holy spirit led me to pray for my mother's healing. That she get well and if He could use us her children to be instrumental in bringing about this healing. In between sobs I asked for her freedom.
Panginoon kasarinlan po ng kaniyang kaluluwa.
Today, early at dawn, we left our house to attend the morning watch. We bumped into her. She homeward bound, us churchbound. And, in between wide smiles, she broke the news that the pastoral house she wanted to be part of refuse to take her in as a full time worker because of her age.
Today is one of the merriest Christmas ever.
God is good.
Naiiiyak ako sa kabutihan ng Panginoon.
Wala nang hihigit pa sa pag-ibig Niya.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Binhi
Last Sunday, I heard the preacher talk about Binhi sick and how he is grateful for Bin's work in Europe. And so I was a bit worried and commenced on a fast, all nights of the entire week, except Thursday.
And I did see his shiny, bald spot once or twice. I kept asking myself and God if its something severe, if its cancer and all those crazy ideas that got blown away to large, larger, largest proportions.
It took God one whole week to reply. It was the sweetest thing.
This morning after the early morning prayer, I ended up muttering "Whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee," under my breath.
I stood up, I wanted to pray some more in a more quiet, private place, far from the crowd. On my way to the prayer rooms, I was surprised to see him heading back from there. He has become trim, tall and lankier it seems. He has lost weight and had the gait of K. Bojie of Batibot. I was tempted to greet him good morning or hi, but I chose not to. I tried my best to be incognito. He's quite tall and as he walked, he walked ahead looking far. I overheard him. He bid the young workers goodbye, telling them he'd be leaving for the Netherlands that morning. This guy told him his ride is ready. Then I heard someone ask how his health is, he said he had tests and he is fine. In his words, "panalo na uli sir."
Binhi. Yapusin ang kamatayan.
Binhi is leaving again to serve his purpose in Europe.
Binhi is for others, for God.
Death where is thy sting, where is thy victory?
Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it will not bear much fruit, but if it dies, the seed sown grows and multiplies.
So bye Binhi,
mixture of joy and sadness.
It makes me pray all the more,
Whom have I in heaven but Thee
Lord, there is nothing on earth besides Thee.
I ask for heaven to open her gates to him
for supernatural anointing,
health and healing
until He comes to take us home.
Bye Binhi.
And I did see his shiny, bald spot once or twice. I kept asking myself and God if its something severe, if its cancer and all those crazy ideas that got blown away to large, larger, largest proportions.
It took God one whole week to reply. It was the sweetest thing.
This morning after the early morning prayer, I ended up muttering "Whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee," under my breath.
I stood up, I wanted to pray some more in a more quiet, private place, far from the crowd. On my way to the prayer rooms, I was surprised to see him heading back from there. He has become trim, tall and lankier it seems. He has lost weight and had the gait of K. Bojie of Batibot. I was tempted to greet him good morning or hi, but I chose not to. I tried my best to be incognito. He's quite tall and as he walked, he walked ahead looking far. I overheard him. He bid the young workers goodbye, telling them he'd be leaving for the Netherlands that morning. This guy told him his ride is ready. Then I heard someone ask how his health is, he said he had tests and he is fine. In his words, "panalo na uli sir."
Binhi. Yapusin ang kamatayan.
Binhi is leaving again to serve his purpose in Europe.
Binhi is for others, for God.
Death where is thy sting, where is thy victory?
Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it will not bear much fruit, but if it dies, the seed sown grows and multiplies.
So bye Binhi,
mixture of joy and sadness.
It makes me pray all the more,
Whom have I in heaven but Thee
Lord, there is nothing on earth besides Thee.
I ask for heaven to open her gates to him
for supernatural anointing,
health and healing
until He comes to take us home.
Bye Binhi.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
His Lenses
I woke up this morning caught up with myself again and the realization of things happening in our family. Both my parents are getting old. My father smokes a lot and then complains about his ulcers. How hard it is to honor him as the bible commands. Like a brat, I hurled my cellphone at the floor and nervously bended down to check if it is still in one piece. God in His goodness knows that I was being irrational.I put the pieces back together and it is still working.
My mother is back in her church, a cult. She tells me that she is different from everybody else there... Still, she chooses to attend their gatherings. I think she sees the group as her niche in this world. I see the failure of the church in being cold and indifferent, unable to meet the needs of their members. People are not drawn to the hoity toity grandness of programs. People are drawn to the love of Christ. Sometimes too, it is a case of purposely remaining distant. It becomes a choice. When God plucks us out of our miry pits, with the intentions of bringing us to new better beginnings, we sometimes squirm and ran back to the dirt and grime. It is because we do not see ourselves the way Christ sees us. We choose to see ourselves with our old pair of lenses.
It breaks my heart everytime she goes there. Like what my brother said, she may have left the group physically, for a short time but they remain in her heart.
Maybe this is what "when my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me" really mean. Also whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee. For sometimes, even love for family can very well take the place of our devotion to Christ. Sometimes, even the desire to better the welfare of those we love can take over God's throne in our hearts. That is why I know that I will finish my thesis and win in life. All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I know now in my heart how I love Jesus. I know now that I am called for something, which I may not know of, but I am. Big or small is really irrelevant. Why would the mission matter when being one with the Master's heart is enough?
Now she tells me she will go on a mission and might have to leave. Sometimes I want to poke a gun at my head. Of course, I am just saying this.
Because of all this, I do not see myself having a family in the near future. I have seen so much.
I am sorry Lord. I worship You Jesus, when the things of this world go strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. I can truly say that I am content with the nearness of Christ. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.
My mother is back in her church, a cult. She tells me that she is different from everybody else there... Still, she chooses to attend their gatherings. I think she sees the group as her niche in this world. I see the failure of the church in being cold and indifferent, unable to meet the needs of their members. People are not drawn to the hoity toity grandness of programs. People are drawn to the love of Christ. Sometimes too, it is a case of purposely remaining distant. It becomes a choice. When God plucks us out of our miry pits, with the intentions of bringing us to new better beginnings, we sometimes squirm and ran back to the dirt and grime. It is because we do not see ourselves the way Christ sees us. We choose to see ourselves with our old pair of lenses.
It breaks my heart everytime she goes there. Like what my brother said, she may have left the group physically, for a short time but they remain in her heart.
Maybe this is what "when my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me" really mean. Also whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee. For sometimes, even love for family can very well take the place of our devotion to Christ. Sometimes, even the desire to better the welfare of those we love can take over God's throne in our hearts. That is why I know that I will finish my thesis and win in life. All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I know now in my heart how I love Jesus. I know now that I am called for something, which I may not know of, but I am. Big or small is really irrelevant. Why would the mission matter when being one with the Master's heart is enough?
Now she tells me she will go on a mission and might have to leave. Sometimes I want to poke a gun at my head. Of course, I am just saying this.
Because of all this, I do not see myself having a family in the near future. I have seen so much.
I am sorry Lord. I worship You Jesus, when the things of this world go strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. I can truly say that I am content with the nearness of Christ. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Circumcision of the Heart
Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; Matthew 10:37
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Good Timber
The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To heaven from the common soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man,
But lived and died as he began.
Good timber does not grow in ease;
The stronger wind, the tougher trees;
The farther sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength;
By sun and cold, by rain and snows,
In tree or man, good timber grows.
Where thickest stands the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both;
And they hold converse with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and of much strife—
This is the common law of life.
~Douglas Malloch
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To heaven from the common soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man,
But lived and died as he began.
Good timber does not grow in ease;
The stronger wind, the tougher trees;
The farther sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength;
By sun and cold, by rain and snows,
In tree or man, good timber grows.
Where thickest stands the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both;
And they hold converse with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and of much strife—
This is the common law of life.
~Douglas Malloch
Friday, October 30, 2009
Cold & Windy Santi
Let me post an excerpt from my email to my sister. Its ma's first day of fasting away. Do you sometimes feel a strange silence, a lull between you and some people you know or have lived with for a long time? It should'nt be the case, but it happens. Why is that? I think I know. just wanted to ask aloud or write aloud (?)Days like this when I am alone give me time to think and mull things over-the past, the present and the future.
Walking to SM for a jeepney ride in thoughtful reverie moistens my eyes. I blink several times to rub my eyes dry. The typhoon winds seem rush to my aide drying anything damp on my cheeks fast, especially whenever I feel into my pockets and discover I did not bring any hanky.
I can always sink to sadness and tears but I fight these back with God's word, ever faithful and true. When I cannot see anything, I remember God's promises, recite them over and over until all is well with my soul.
It looks like the typhoon decided to leave at once. Its windy but theres a lot of sunshine.
FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU SAYS THE LORD, PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU A HOPE AND A FUTURE. JEREMIAH 29:11
Walking to SM for a jeepney ride in thoughtful reverie moistens my eyes. I blink several times to rub my eyes dry. The typhoon winds seem rush to my aide drying anything damp on my cheeks fast, especially whenever I feel into my pockets and discover I did not bring any hanky.
I can always sink to sadness and tears but I fight these back with God's word, ever faithful and true. When I cannot see anything, I remember God's promises, recite them over and over until all is well with my soul.
It looks like the typhoon decided to leave at once. Its windy but theres a lot of sunshine.
FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU SAYS THE LORD, PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU A HOPE AND A FUTURE. JEREMIAH 29:11
Monday, October 19, 2009
We are different
These words linger in my mind. I just put down the phone a couple of minutes ago. I did my aunt a favor. She texted me to call up my uncle in Sikatuna. Turns out, they were both at home. Someone had to pick up the phone to hear my voice. It was some guy she has been bugging me to meet. He is Filipino, residing in Canada, and is now back in the Philippines after twenty years.
And what my brother told me lingers in my mind. "We are different." Good thing Aidan cried. He soiled his pants and his nappies needed changing. My brother was on the phone. I had the most brilliant excuse to end the conversation.
We are a different people.
At this point, I am not sure I will ever settle down. I have witnessed a lot of marriages, and one thing that is most real of all is that of my parents' I guess this is why, I am at peace with the idea. All things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purposes.
Besides, I am a firm believer of Master---Mission----Mate.
God above all, His purpose for me through my giftings and talents and a companion would come last. although I am already a teacher, and enjoy it, but do get impatient at times, I am still at the Master part. I want to spend time alone with God first. I want to get to know Him more. I need time alone.
I believe in the Grand Weaver. I believe in His sovereignty over all things. This area included.
For I know the plans I have for You says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
Im signing off.
Havent blogged for a long time.
I wait on You.
Whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee..
:)
And what my brother told me lingers in my mind. "We are different." Good thing Aidan cried. He soiled his pants and his nappies needed changing. My brother was on the phone. I had the most brilliant excuse to end the conversation.
We are a different people.
At this point, I am not sure I will ever settle down. I have witnessed a lot of marriages, and one thing that is most real of all is that of my parents' I guess this is why, I am at peace with the idea. All things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purposes.
Besides, I am a firm believer of Master---Mission----Mate.
God above all, His purpose for me through my giftings and talents and a companion would come last. although I am already a teacher, and enjoy it, but do get impatient at times, I am still at the Master part. I want to spend time alone with God first. I want to get to know Him more. I need time alone.
I believe in the Grand Weaver. I believe in His sovereignty over all things. This area included.
For I know the plans I have for You says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
Im signing off.
Havent blogged for a long time.
I wait on You.
Whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee..
:)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Floods
My eyes were flooded with tears as I watched the footages of the wreckage comrade Ondoy brought upon most parts of Luzon. How helpless we are as a nation, with our mediocre ways in responding to national crises such as this.
Inspite of everything, There is always something good in every tragedy. We end up better people if we respond correctly. I think of this as a wake-up call to all Filipinos. It is a good opportunity to think things through so that we will vote wisely in the upcoming elections. I have been glued to the television, flipping through channels waiting incessantly for any presidentiable who will have the guts to include in their platform, perhaps making it a priority, to fix the sewerage systems in Manila and most parts of Luzon. How come I do not hear anything? Where is the noisy barrage that often accompanies elections? Where are the speeches, the promises? Where? Where? Where?
I also got to realize that material things don't matter much as people and the things of God do. I think of lavishly installed kitchen sets, techy gadgets, cars all floating in murky, filth. Comrade Ondoy is not foe, the comrade like Chip Tsao is not to be hated or blamed. It is to be thanked. It helped us reveal how backward we are as a people. Until now, we remain unprepared. I hope we do not go out screaming to the world for help again. How embarassing it is!
Another good thing about all this is the message it sends to middle-class families, a lot of whom are indifferent, uncaring and disengaged to the plight of the common Filipino. These comprise a minority of our youth, young adults who love to don the latest brands, party till the wee hours of the morning, smoke like chimneys and possess above average spending power. There are those who study well or try to earn good living in a decent way too. Their efforts are laudable but they too often forget about the rest of the Philippines. They work hard for a more comfortable life, forgetting that such comfort will never be attained because they are a part of society. They co-exist with other Filipinos. They will always be rooted in a social context where poverty looms.
Comrade Ondoy showed us that tragedy spares no one. It hit all kinds of people. The lowly sweetsweeper, the movie actress, residents of posh communities, homeless families who make their home under the bridge.
And in the end of all end, all these material things mean nothing.
For those who have a faint understanding of the fight for the Philippines will from now on, do things for a deeper reason. In the process of building ourselves, carry on our shoulders the rest of the millions of the Filipinos here and outside the country.
The brown raise.
Inspite of everything, There is always something good in every tragedy. We end up better people if we respond correctly. I think of this as a wake-up call to all Filipinos. It is a good opportunity to think things through so that we will vote wisely in the upcoming elections. I have been glued to the television, flipping through channels waiting incessantly for any presidentiable who will have the guts to include in their platform, perhaps making it a priority, to fix the sewerage systems in Manila and most parts of Luzon. How come I do not hear anything? Where is the noisy barrage that often accompanies elections? Where are the speeches, the promises? Where? Where? Where?
I also got to realize that material things don't matter much as people and the things of God do. I think of lavishly installed kitchen sets, techy gadgets, cars all floating in murky, filth. Comrade Ondoy is not foe, the comrade like Chip Tsao is not to be hated or blamed. It is to be thanked. It helped us reveal how backward we are as a people. Until now, we remain unprepared. I hope we do not go out screaming to the world for help again. How embarassing it is!
Another good thing about all this is the message it sends to middle-class families, a lot of whom are indifferent, uncaring and disengaged to the plight of the common Filipino. These comprise a minority of our youth, young adults who love to don the latest brands, party till the wee hours of the morning, smoke like chimneys and possess above average spending power. There are those who study well or try to earn good living in a decent way too. Their efforts are laudable but they too often forget about the rest of the Philippines. They work hard for a more comfortable life, forgetting that such comfort will never be attained because they are a part of society. They co-exist with other Filipinos. They will always be rooted in a social context where poverty looms.
Comrade Ondoy showed us that tragedy spares no one. It hit all kinds of people. The lowly sweetsweeper, the movie actress, residents of posh communities, homeless families who make their home under the bridge.
And in the end of all end, all these material things mean nothing.
For those who have a faint understanding of the fight for the Philippines will from now on, do things for a deeper reason. In the process of building ourselves, carry on our shoulders the rest of the millions of the Filipinos here and outside the country.
The brown raise.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
God's will
Too often we christians think that our main goal in life is to win souls for God. Its as if He is constantly sending us out on errands and making us finish one chore after another. And this devotion spoke to me loud and clear-its never what I want to do for God, even it seems to be the most good or Godly thing to do. It's all about His will for me.
My Utmost for His Highest-
September 23, 200
The Missionary’s Goal
He . . . said to them, ’Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem . . . ’ —Luke 18:31
In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him?". . . till we all come . . . to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ . . ." ( Ephesians 4:13 ), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord.
In our Lord’s life, Jerusalem was the place where He reached the culmination of His Father’s will upon the cross, and unless we go there with Jesus we will have no friendship or fellowship with Him. Nothing ever diverted our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord even the slightest degree away from His purpose to go "up to Jerusalem."
"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master" ( Matthew 10:24 ). In other words, the same things that happened to our Lord will happen to us on our way to our "Jerusalem." There will be works of God exhibited through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude while the rest will show total ingratitude, but nothing must divert us from going "up to [our] Jerusalem."
". . . there they crucified Him . . ." ( Luke 23:33 ). That is what happened when our Lord reached Jerusalem, and that event is the doorway to our salvation. The saints, however, do not end in crucifixion; by the Lord’s grace they end in glory. In the meantime our watchword should be summed up by each of us saying, "I too go ’up to Jerusalem.’ "
My Utmost for His Highest-
September 23, 200
The Missionary’s Goal
He . . . said to them, ’Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem . . . ’ —Luke 18:31
In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him?". . . till we all come . . . to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ . . ." ( Ephesians 4:13 ), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord.
In our Lord’s life, Jerusalem was the place where He reached the culmination of His Father’s will upon the cross, and unless we go there with Jesus we will have no friendship or fellowship with Him. Nothing ever diverted our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord even the slightest degree away from His purpose to go "up to Jerusalem."
"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master" ( Matthew 10:24 ). In other words, the same things that happened to our Lord will happen to us on our way to our "Jerusalem." There will be works of God exhibited through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude while the rest will show total ingratitude, but nothing must divert us from going "up to [our] Jerusalem."
". . . there they crucified Him . . ." ( Luke 23:33 ). That is what happened when our Lord reached Jerusalem, and that event is the doorway to our salvation. The saints, however, do not end in crucifixion; by the Lord’s grace they end in glory. In the meantime our watchword should be summed up by each of us saying, "I too go ’up to Jerusalem.’ "
God's will
My Utmost for His Highest
September 23, 2009
The Missionary’s Goal
He . . . said to them, ’Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem . . . ’ —Luke 18:31
In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him?". . . till we all come . . . to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ . . ." ( Ephesians 4:13 ), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord.
In our Lord’s life, Jerusalem was the place where He reached the culmination of His Father’s will upon the cross, and unless we go there with Jesus we will have no friendship or fellowship with Him. Nothing ever diverted our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord even the slightest degree away from His purpose to go "up to Jerusalem."
"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master" ( Matthew 10:24 ). In other words, the same things that happened to our Lord will happen to us on our way to our "Jerusalem." There will be works of God exhibited through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude while the rest will show total ingratitude, but nothing must divert us from going "up to [our] Jerusalem."
". . . there they crucified Him . . ." ( Luke 23:33 ). That is what happened when our Lord reached Jerusalem, and that event is the doorway to our salvation. The saints, however, do not end in crucifixion; by the Lord’s grace they end in glory. In the meantime our watchword should be summed up by each of us saying, "I too go ’up to Jerusalem.’ "
September 23, 2009
The Missionary’s Goal
He . . . said to them, ’Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem . . . ’ —Luke 18:31
In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him?". . . till we all come . . . to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ . . ." ( Ephesians 4:13 ), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord.
In our Lord’s life, Jerusalem was the place where He reached the culmination of His Father’s will upon the cross, and unless we go there with Jesus we will have no friendship or fellowship with Him. Nothing ever diverted our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord even the slightest degree away from His purpose to go "up to Jerusalem."
"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master" ( Matthew 10:24 ). In other words, the same things that happened to our Lord will happen to us on our way to our "Jerusalem." There will be works of God exhibited through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude while the rest will show total ingratitude, but nothing must divert us from going "up to [our] Jerusalem."
". . . there they crucified Him . . ." ( Luke 23:33 ). That is what happened when our Lord reached Jerusalem, and that event is the doorway to our salvation. The saints, however, do not end in crucifixion; by the Lord’s grace they end in glory. In the meantime our watchword should be summed up by each of us saying, "I too go ’up to Jerusalem.’ "
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Guilty...
I taught kindergarten for almost seven years before making that decision to leave and focus on my masters. This two-year journey is far from ordinary. It was an unmasking of the real state of my country. I know we are third world. I read the news, I watch it on TV. I was enraged with Chip Tsao, I wanted to smack Alec Baldwin and Teri Hatcher for their racist, demeaning remarks. I wanted to hate myself for feeling a bit inferior in the presence of my English aunt.
I went odd-job hopping to sustain my schooling needs and of course, contribute a bit at home. It was an adventure but at the same time, It was a heart-wrenching compilation of tales. Each day, I wanted to cross the streets with eyes closed so I will be blind to the realities of my country. I wanted to be unfeeling so that my heart will not be gripped with the sights and sounds that ring a message so strongly in my ears. Everything was vividly happening around me while I stood in its midst- the disengaged,indifferent, uncaring Filipino.
I saw it in the long queues of college graduates applying for meager pay to work as phone English teachers. Most of those I happened to chat with were teachers. For reasons only they can explain, they did not dare to practice their profession, and chose to settle for pay in exchange for speaking English over the phone while our schools are screaming for teachers.
I had a brief stint with an editing company based in Hongkong. Our private offices were in the comforts of our own home in front of our PC and we met the boss and his wife occasionally, whenever he flew to Manila. We were gathered once a month in the five-star hotel where he was booked for updates, distribution of paychecks and pizza. It was obviously, an illegal, non-registered company in the Philippines. We were a pool of editors in the Philippines who pose as native speakers, or more appropriately, native writers. Our work, in connivance with the big boss entails editing personal statements, application letters, recommendation letters of Chinese students who seek admission to Ivy League universities in the U.S. and in the U.K. You would be surprised with the top caliber colleagues I rubbed elbows with. There was a medical doctor from where else but from the top state university, brilliant writers for respected newspapers, two university professors, an accountant, a movie producer, a Sociology major, another university professor who took Masters in Europe and the list goes on. Modesty aside, it was a group of academic elites. I wonder now, why I was there, and what we were all doing there. I met a former colleague, a first level editor who was fired by the big boss. He was not able to dispatch last minute files simply because he was in the hospital, in a coma at that. He was requesting for seperation pay, and the American refused at the start, he told him he would report illegal operation and the American retorted saying, "you squeal but first tell your Filipino friends that they are about to lose their jobs.."
I left after a month. I knew something was fishy and God in His goodness, was already ordering my immediate world, waving the red flag right in front of my face. My internet connection was acting up during that entire month. I had to keep going out to meet my deadlines in 24-hour Internet cafes until the wee hours of the morning.
It has been a year if I remember it right and the American boss' right hand guy in the Philippines died. They drank together. Few people know how my heart broke for this man. When I saw him for the first time, I knew right away he was troubled and a walking timebomb at that. I learned later on that he lives with a companion and has long been separated from his wife with whom he fathered two grown-up boys. He happens to be the son of a very famous writer of Filipino short stories of the 60's and 70's. I could not sleep that night when I learned about his demise. The diagnosis was a heart problem. My suspicions were confirmed. His heart had been seriously ticking ill for a long time and it ticked its last for good that fateful day he breathed his last.
The biggest blow in all these two years was when I was doing research for my paper I had to write in one of the biggest public schools in the Philippines. I was crying almost everyday, either on my way going there or going back home. Early on, I stumbled upon Gilas' website to discover staggering statistics: 90% of Filipino schoolchildren go to public school. I could hardly breathe. I felt like I was being suffocated right that very instant. My face was bathed in tears at an instant for I now know too well the state of our public school system. I did come from one but it was different back then. There were only a few of us. We had a chair each and there was hide-and-seek space inside the classroom. I belonged to the cream section beginning grade two until I graduated seventh place in sixth grade. My mother is not your ordinary mother. She reads, writes and speaks fluent English and Filipino. Her Spanish has become rusty through the years but every now and then she say a line or two. Our poverty never made her succumb to cheap substitutes. You never see her watch soap operas or watch news on gossip. She is one of a kind. I may have come from public school but I was and am blessed to have a different kind of mother. I think of the rest who are as poor as we were, unpriveleged to have a mother as mine.
And so I feel guilty. Guilty for being too preoccupied with my own comforts, dreams and ambitions and unmindful of my country's shameful plight. God had mercy on me as He opened my eyes to the real score of things. Now I do things for deeper reason. I choose to burden myself with the things that God burdens Himself with about my country.
I went odd-job hopping to sustain my schooling needs and of course, contribute a bit at home. It was an adventure but at the same time, It was a heart-wrenching compilation of tales. Each day, I wanted to cross the streets with eyes closed so I will be blind to the realities of my country. I wanted to be unfeeling so that my heart will not be gripped with the sights and sounds that ring a message so strongly in my ears. Everything was vividly happening around me while I stood in its midst- the disengaged,indifferent, uncaring Filipino.
I saw it in the long queues of college graduates applying for meager pay to work as phone English teachers. Most of those I happened to chat with were teachers. For reasons only they can explain, they did not dare to practice their profession, and chose to settle for pay in exchange for speaking English over the phone while our schools are screaming for teachers.
I had a brief stint with an editing company based in Hongkong. Our private offices were in the comforts of our own home in front of our PC and we met the boss and his wife occasionally, whenever he flew to Manila. We were gathered once a month in the five-star hotel where he was booked for updates, distribution of paychecks and pizza. It was obviously, an illegal, non-registered company in the Philippines. We were a pool of editors in the Philippines who pose as native speakers, or more appropriately, native writers. Our work, in connivance with the big boss entails editing personal statements, application letters, recommendation letters of Chinese students who seek admission to Ivy League universities in the U.S. and in the U.K. You would be surprised with the top caliber colleagues I rubbed elbows with. There was a medical doctor from where else but from the top state university, brilliant writers for respected newspapers, two university professors, an accountant, a movie producer, a Sociology major, another university professor who took Masters in Europe and the list goes on. Modesty aside, it was a group of academic elites. I wonder now, why I was there, and what we were all doing there. I met a former colleague, a first level editor who was fired by the big boss. He was not able to dispatch last minute files simply because he was in the hospital, in a coma at that. He was requesting for seperation pay, and the American refused at the start, he told him he would report illegal operation and the American retorted saying, "you squeal but first tell your Filipino friends that they are about to lose their jobs.."
I left after a month. I knew something was fishy and God in His goodness, was already ordering my immediate world, waving the red flag right in front of my face. My internet connection was acting up during that entire month. I had to keep going out to meet my deadlines in 24-hour Internet cafes until the wee hours of the morning.
It has been a year if I remember it right and the American boss' right hand guy in the Philippines died. They drank together. Few people know how my heart broke for this man. When I saw him for the first time, I knew right away he was troubled and a walking timebomb at that. I learned later on that he lives with a companion and has long been separated from his wife with whom he fathered two grown-up boys. He happens to be the son of a very famous writer of Filipino short stories of the 60's and 70's. I could not sleep that night when I learned about his demise. The diagnosis was a heart problem. My suspicions were confirmed. His heart had been seriously ticking ill for a long time and it ticked its last for good that fateful day he breathed his last.
The biggest blow in all these two years was when I was doing research for my paper I had to write in one of the biggest public schools in the Philippines. I was crying almost everyday, either on my way going there or going back home. Early on, I stumbled upon Gilas' website to discover staggering statistics: 90% of Filipino schoolchildren go to public school. I could hardly breathe. I felt like I was being suffocated right that very instant. My face was bathed in tears at an instant for I now know too well the state of our public school system. I did come from one but it was different back then. There were only a few of us. We had a chair each and there was hide-and-seek space inside the classroom. I belonged to the cream section beginning grade two until I graduated seventh place in sixth grade. My mother is not your ordinary mother. She reads, writes and speaks fluent English and Filipino. Her Spanish has become rusty through the years but every now and then she say a line or two. Our poverty never made her succumb to cheap substitutes. You never see her watch soap operas or watch news on gossip. She is one of a kind. I may have come from public school but I was and am blessed to have a different kind of mother. I think of the rest who are as poor as we were, unpriveleged to have a mother as mine.
And so I feel guilty. Guilty for being too preoccupied with my own comforts, dreams and ambitions and unmindful of my country's shameful plight. God had mercy on me as He opened my eyes to the real score of things. Now I do things for deeper reason. I choose to burden myself with the things that God burdens Himself with about my country.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Chasing the Blues Away
Its late Sunday afternoon and nobody's home. Its dimly lit downstairs and only the sofa lights are switched on to fight the creeping darkness of the night. Here Iam upstairs in the bedroom as I sit in front of my trusted confidante-this PC keeps me company as I have no one to talk to right now. I try to talk to my soul and so, I am playing youtube music as I type. I was reading a while ago. Thanks to the library folks who graciously extended permission for us to return the book at a much later date than expected. I put my book down on the sofa. I must be halfway, I felt like turning back to some chapters I want to sink myself more into. I am reading on meditation.
How much I need God! I want to know God more. I want to withdraw myself from the froth and bubble of everyday, if I may borrow the author's words. I long to listen, cock my ears to that still voice that will quiet my longings, answer my questions, assure me of my apprehensions and fill my soul with quiet content. Not in my own strength. Never in my own power. I believe God sees my desires. Inspite of the bad aroma my attitude diffuses every now and then. I wrestle at the evils lurking in my mind and in my heart Lord. I wish my heart were unfeeling, unthinking of all these negativity. I wish I would stop inflicting unnecessary emotional burdens to anyone with my stinky thinking, my better than thou demeanor, my quick to judge presumptions.
Father, this post has become a prayer altogether. I plead Thee for a changed heart. And as I pray this, I know too well that You will choose to answer in ways I do not comprehend. But Lord, if there is anything that gets in the way of my being a blessing to others, do take it away, take it away! It tears me altogether, knowing too well that I am being a pain, a bitch at times. They do not deserve it Lord. Father, I beg of You. I know that You will answer in Your goodness, mercy and love.
My heart is kneeling right now, in complete surrender for Lord, I cannot change apart from You. Please break the wall between my and my sister-in-law. How we need to be a bit closer, not for us, but for her mother-in-law who does know You yet.
I whimper, my tears are streaming down my cheeks.
Lord I can do all things through Christ which gives me strength.
Blued, Blued Away....
How much I need God! I want to know God more. I want to withdraw myself from the froth and bubble of everyday, if I may borrow the author's words. I long to listen, cock my ears to that still voice that will quiet my longings, answer my questions, assure me of my apprehensions and fill my soul with quiet content. Not in my own strength. Never in my own power. I believe God sees my desires. Inspite of the bad aroma my attitude diffuses every now and then. I wrestle at the evils lurking in my mind and in my heart Lord. I wish my heart were unfeeling, unthinking of all these negativity. I wish I would stop inflicting unnecessary emotional burdens to anyone with my stinky thinking, my better than thou demeanor, my quick to judge presumptions.
Father, this post has become a prayer altogether. I plead Thee for a changed heart. And as I pray this, I know too well that You will choose to answer in ways I do not comprehend. But Lord, if there is anything that gets in the way of my being a blessing to others, do take it away, take it away! It tears me altogether, knowing too well that I am being a pain, a bitch at times. They do not deserve it Lord. Father, I beg of You. I know that You will answer in Your goodness, mercy and love.
My heart is kneeling right now, in complete surrender for Lord, I cannot change apart from You. Please break the wall between my and my sister-in-law. How we need to be a bit closer, not for us, but for her mother-in-law who does know You yet.
I whimper, my tears are streaming down my cheeks.
Lord I can do all things through Christ which gives me strength.
Blued, Blued Away....
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Cursed is the man who trusts in man!
Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man back to back with “I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not.” - Jer 33:3
Its hard to keep track of your heart and feel each pulse. And I know too well that the heart is deceitful above all. Recently an old friend, also a colleague told me that she wants to sponsor my fare once they settle down in Australia, just in case I would like to go on a vacation. Its a bit heartwarming And whether or not it comes to pass, the desire to invite me is touching. Ive known them and a lot about their family background since college. God, in His goodness, allowed me to share His love concretely with them during their most distressing period. Their life was a long dark tunnel. And now, light can be seen as they are almost at its end.
They have heartbreaking stories, the soap opera kind which I thought could only exixt in movies alone. I was wrong. I praise God for the things He has done in their families, a new chapter has dawned in their lives.
I too have a share of these episodes and God in His extraordinary mercies changes the channel so that I would not stay long glued to one episode. He shields me from such unnecessary looking back.
So I write this, I remember the verse, "Cursed be the man who trusts in man."
My love my prayers go with them always. And whether or not they reciprocate, any observable goodness in any act in what I did for them in the past, or even until now is something God prompted me to do, I remember that everything I did for them I did for God and God alone.
Dear God, I pray You bless their family as I finish my post for the day. Bless them beyond their wildest dreams. Help all the siblings finish school. Lord thank You because I was able to share the gospel with her sister when she was a struggling teen-ager back in college. Lord take care of her and her walk in You. Help them all find a church where they can grow in the things of You.
I pray for her mom's relationship with their new stepdad. Please make things work out. Please help the siblings to be always close to each other. May they always remember Your faithfulness in their lives. May their gaze always be only upon You Jesus. May they not be mesmerized with the material things they are about to be flooded with. Lord, may Your tug and pull at their hearts overshadow every tangible good their new life will offer.
In Your Name,
Amen
Its hard to keep track of your heart and feel each pulse. And I know too well that the heart is deceitful above all. Recently an old friend, also a colleague told me that she wants to sponsor my fare once they settle down in Australia, just in case I would like to go on a vacation. Its a bit heartwarming And whether or not it comes to pass, the desire to invite me is touching. Ive known them and a lot about their family background since college. God, in His goodness, allowed me to share His love concretely with them during their most distressing period. Their life was a long dark tunnel. And now, light can be seen as they are almost at its end.
They have heartbreaking stories, the soap opera kind which I thought could only exixt in movies alone. I was wrong. I praise God for the things He has done in their families, a new chapter has dawned in their lives.
I too have a share of these episodes and God in His extraordinary mercies changes the channel so that I would not stay long glued to one episode. He shields me from such unnecessary looking back.
So I write this, I remember the verse, "Cursed be the man who trusts in man."
My love my prayers go with them always. And whether or not they reciprocate, any observable goodness in any act in what I did for them in the past, or even until now is something God prompted me to do, I remember that everything I did for them I did for God and God alone.
Dear God, I pray You bless their family as I finish my post for the day. Bless them beyond their wildest dreams. Help all the siblings finish school. Lord thank You because I was able to share the gospel with her sister when she was a struggling teen-ager back in college. Lord take care of her and her walk in You. Help them all find a church where they can grow in the things of You.
I pray for her mom's relationship with their new stepdad. Please make things work out. Please help the siblings to be always close to each other. May they always remember Your faithfulness in their lives. May their gaze always be only upon You Jesus. May they not be mesmerized with the material things they are about to be flooded with. Lord, may Your tug and pull at their hearts overshadow every tangible good their new life will offer.
In Your Name,
Amen
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Odd Jobs Hopping
Its been almost two years since my last traditional full-time job. Meaning, I have not been on the 15th, 30th day payroll for quite a while. And what a roller-coaster ride it is. I learned so many things. Savored life more. And am continuing to discover a lot of things an 8-5 job in the classroom prevented me from doing so. I do want to return to my teaching. And I am still figuring out where and when. Obviously, its when I finish my masters, which is hopefully soon.
I just realize that teaching is more than knowing the how to's but more importantly, imparting yourself to your students. And therefore, the teacher should have a lot of wonderful experiences in life to share. Anybody can easily learn how to teach reading, arithmetic or penmanship. But what about the zest for life? What about the desire to innately learn or the curiosity for things unknown? I believe these tools are necessary in helping us become more actualized human beings. And therefore, become more useful and productive members of the community.
It is the passion for discovery alongside discipline that would create champions.
And you cannot just teach that. You have to impart it. Meaning, you ought to be overflowing with to the brim so that your students will naturally catch it.
Perhaps I should create a new folder here. Yes. I think I will call it Teacher Chronicles.And why not.
So when was the last time you did something for the first time? Its the tagline of an airline,the name of which escapes me right now.
And dear reader, you ought to ask yourself that.
Its faith you know. Its living life to the fullest. He came that we may have life, and life to the fullest.
Have a great life!
I just realize that teaching is more than knowing the how to's but more importantly, imparting yourself to your students. And therefore, the teacher should have a lot of wonderful experiences in life to share. Anybody can easily learn how to teach reading, arithmetic or penmanship. But what about the zest for life? What about the desire to innately learn or the curiosity for things unknown? I believe these tools are necessary in helping us become more actualized human beings. And therefore, become more useful and productive members of the community.
It is the passion for discovery alongside discipline that would create champions.
And you cannot just teach that. You have to impart it. Meaning, you ought to be overflowing with to the brim so that your students will naturally catch it.
Perhaps I should create a new folder here. Yes. I think I will call it Teacher Chronicles.And why not.
So when was the last time you did something for the first time? Its the tagline of an airline,the name of which escapes me right now.
And dear reader, you ought to ask yourself that.
Its faith you know. Its living life to the fullest. He came that we may have life, and life to the fullest.
Have a great life!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Salamat po, Titser Dina.
I was pocketing my change while onboard the IKOT jeepney last Friday when I noticed the banner congratulating my professor. She is one of Metrobank’s Outstanding Teachers in the Tertiary Level. I smile in quiet content, very happy with the decision of the deciding committee.
Just in case this article gets published, I have decided to write in full anonymity. I hope that she will never have the slightest hint that it was I who wrote it. I dread the moment that our eyes would meet and I be asked if I am indeed the writer. And so as early as now, I am busy thinking how to brilliantly disguise denial. And so as you read this, dear reader, let us conspire. Please do not tell her your guesses about the possible author of this article. They might be correct and I prefer to remain incognito. Please. I beg of you.
I am just one of the so many students who dream of becoming like her, at least a bit like her someday, somewhere. And why not? She is an excellent professor. Yes, knowledgeable in her field but most importantly, she is a real teacher. She expects nothing but the best from us, cheers for us till the end and supports our totally far from genius academic pursuits. Her lectures sound like an audio book compilation of the best references there are in her field. But it is the heart behind all the talking that I cock my ears to listen to her. You see, I do not listen to talk too much, I pay more attention to the life behind the talk. I did observe her from afar, and got to observe her up close as my professor to discover that she is for real. I was quite skeptic at first but I was proven wrong.
Not necessarily in the same university she teaches, but I had professors of almost the same caliber. There are two that come to mind right away. One is from Harvard but she has long left the university. There is another, a Fullbright scholar whom I gasp at in awe for knowing all the pertinent dates and key persons in his field. He is unmistakably kayumanggi. Rumor has it that he is leaving for a teaching career elsewhere.
What makes her different? Looks, yes. Her fashionable bob turns heads in our hallways. Towering, at least for the average Filipina, with a pointy nose, freckled fair skin, she does not look Southeast Asian at all. She would easily pass for a European. But as they say, looks are deceiving. For underneath that Caucasian cover is a diehard fan of the brown race. Teacher Dina’s decision as well as that of other dedicated professors to remain in the academe despite meager pay is a statement on its own. We their students are very privileged. We who fight with her, in our hopefully not too feeble attempts to help build this nation, behind the scenes, in front of our innocent children.
You should have read her thesis which she dedicates to the Filipino child living in poverty. And this has never failed to make me shed tears. I share her sentiments. It is this staggering reality that keeps the fight within to continue. It is a fight bigger than my petty whims and complaints. When I am about to throw the towel, I remember I have to finish my studies for my other teacher friends. I need to author my own success story to share with them. We need to better ourselves and strive to improve our craft for every single Filipino child in our classroom. There is a next generation to fight for.
Thesis after thesis written by South Koreans, Chinese, Burmese line the shelves of our library. They pursued higher education in the Philippines. They probably struggled. Locals as I have our share too. Not all have the luxury of studying without having the need to put food on the table. One cannot teach on an empty stomach, much more pursue graduate school. And this is why a lot do not continue till the end. Still, some of us choose to remain in the fight, leaving all the negativity behind to finish the race. However bleak circumstances, we plod on.
Ma’am, I have always wanted thank you in person but since I know too well, that being the teacher to teachers you are, you would want me instead, to become a improve and better myself, and it would be enough. Please remember that your efforts will never be in vain because that is what I as well as my other classmates who are under your tutelage strive to be.
I hope to ripple waves among my fellow Filipino teachers and my students. I hope to inspire them as you have inspired me.
And so to the best of my kindergarten English, congratulations, and most of all, salamat po. Regalo kayo ng Maykapal sa ating bansa.
Just in case this article gets published, I have decided to write in full anonymity. I hope that she will never have the slightest hint that it was I who wrote it. I dread the moment that our eyes would meet and I be asked if I am indeed the writer. And so as early as now, I am busy thinking how to brilliantly disguise denial. And so as you read this, dear reader, let us conspire. Please do not tell her your guesses about the possible author of this article. They might be correct and I prefer to remain incognito. Please. I beg of you.
I am just one of the so many students who dream of becoming like her, at least a bit like her someday, somewhere. And why not? She is an excellent professor. Yes, knowledgeable in her field but most importantly, she is a real teacher. She expects nothing but the best from us, cheers for us till the end and supports our totally far from genius academic pursuits. Her lectures sound like an audio book compilation of the best references there are in her field. But it is the heart behind all the talking that I cock my ears to listen to her. You see, I do not listen to talk too much, I pay more attention to the life behind the talk. I did observe her from afar, and got to observe her up close as my professor to discover that she is for real. I was quite skeptic at first but I was proven wrong.
Not necessarily in the same university she teaches, but I had professors of almost the same caliber. There are two that come to mind right away. One is from Harvard but she has long left the university. There is another, a Fullbright scholar whom I gasp at in awe for knowing all the pertinent dates and key persons in his field. He is unmistakably kayumanggi. Rumor has it that he is leaving for a teaching career elsewhere.
What makes her different? Looks, yes. Her fashionable bob turns heads in our hallways. Towering, at least for the average Filipina, with a pointy nose, freckled fair skin, she does not look Southeast Asian at all. She would easily pass for a European. But as they say, looks are deceiving. For underneath that Caucasian cover is a diehard fan of the brown race. Teacher Dina’s decision as well as that of other dedicated professors to remain in the academe despite meager pay is a statement on its own. We their students are very privileged. We who fight with her, in our hopefully not too feeble attempts to help build this nation, behind the scenes, in front of our innocent children.
You should have read her thesis which she dedicates to the Filipino child living in poverty. And this has never failed to make me shed tears. I share her sentiments. It is this staggering reality that keeps the fight within to continue. It is a fight bigger than my petty whims and complaints. When I am about to throw the towel, I remember I have to finish my studies for my other teacher friends. I need to author my own success story to share with them. We need to better ourselves and strive to improve our craft for every single Filipino child in our classroom. There is a next generation to fight for.
Thesis after thesis written by South Koreans, Chinese, Burmese line the shelves of our library. They pursued higher education in the Philippines. They probably struggled. Locals as I have our share too. Not all have the luxury of studying without having the need to put food on the table. One cannot teach on an empty stomach, much more pursue graduate school. And this is why a lot do not continue till the end. Still, some of us choose to remain in the fight, leaving all the negativity behind to finish the race. However bleak circumstances, we plod on.
Ma’am, I have always wanted thank you in person but since I know too well, that being the teacher to teachers you are, you would want me instead, to become a improve and better myself, and it would be enough. Please remember that your efforts will never be in vain because that is what I as well as my other classmates who are under your tutelage strive to be.
I hope to ripple waves among my fellow Filipino teachers and my students. I hope to inspire them as you have inspired me.
And so to the best of my kindergarten English, congratulations, and most of all, salamat po. Regalo kayo ng Maykapal sa ating bansa.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
H.A.L.T.
Okay, okay. I know I bid the blog goodbye about a two seconds ago. But this nagging thought ought to be put down into writing before I can retire to bed peacefully.
Charles Stanley talks about when we are most inclined to doing crazy things, which during normal circumstances, we'd frown at, and even ask ourselves, "what? I actually did that?"
The key word is HALT! It is actually a helpful acronym. When we are HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED, we are most susceptible.
So from now on, whenever I am HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED, I will just run to God.
Good thing, SLEEPY is not included in HALT, because, that is how I am right now.
Charles Stanley talks about when we are most inclined to doing crazy things, which during normal circumstances, we'd frown at, and even ask ourselves, "what? I actually did that?"
The key word is HALT! It is actually a helpful acronym. When we are HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED, we are most susceptible.
So from now on, whenever I am HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED, I will just run to God.
Good thing, SLEEPY is not included in HALT, because, that is how I am right now.
Singleness
I just like having a blog. Its my private retreat online! especially now that I am in front of the computer most of the time. I am a silent lurker of some blogs. One of which is about Singleness. Hmmm. Its where I am right now. Happily single :) that is. I prefer the articles written by Mr. Jason. He writes well, I'd say. There is nothing new to what he has written. I pretty know much all those but I guess its the way he writes that makes it worthwhile reading over and over again. In a nutshell? keep the main thing the main thing. Worship. Am I overspiritualizing things?
I like the way the way he writes, which I will post here for my easy reference, I normally jot these things down on paper. Generally, not just on this topic. Any wording I fancy, or take notice because of how its phrased. Tee-hee-ha! I am after the writing style, word choice, and all the other things that make written material good reading-at least in my book.
A few words for the women on this one:
remove your name from his hat of contestants.
make way for someone who only has eyes for you.
smothering him with attention
if you make yourself part of his harem, don't complain when he treats you as such (Ugh!) can't help but react this one
Seek God's face for the one best fashioned for you.
don't be the lost puppy dog following his every footstep. (yikes!) there goes another comment.
Because this need for connection is so fundamental to our design, when it goes unmet for any real length of time, serious consequences usually result
Loneliness - over time - gives way to depression. If a human being's deprivation in this area results in radical isolation, it can even lead to mental breakdown.
It is important for singles to constantly remember that God knows and understands how He designed us and does not take unmet needs fundamental to our design lightly. And, as in all things, His grace provides a buffer for us when these needs go unmet.
One of these "grace buffers"
Granted, the relationships David might have been referring to were less than exemplary.
His marriage to Saul's daughter, Michal, was fraught with tension.
She was domineering and treacherous, and scripture indicates that Saul gave her in marriage to David specifically because he knew she would "be a snare to him."
I have been fortunate to have several such relationships over the course of my Christian journey, and testify to the power of these friendships in offsetting some of my own unmet God-given desires.
Be intentional about finding your Jonathan.
David and Jonathan were brought into one another's proximity by God's providence.
If you notice someone in your life that fits the description of a Jonathan, invest heavily in the relationship.
Singles often try to amass as many friends as possible,
is nothing wrong with enriching and expanding your social circle.
this can result in the illusion that quantity equals quality.
Don't look at them as a second-rate substitute for...
NOW THIS, I HAVE TO COPY PASTE ENTIRELY!
My approach to single issues has always been a bit different. I spend a lot of my time seeking to bring singles into balance with their single life...trying to help them avoid the trap of thinking their lives aren't really significant until they find a mate.
Others are doing a great job communicating to singles the more practical issues of wisdom, building character, and preparing for godly union with the opposite sex. My burden has been somewhat different - I want to help Christian singles break free of the painful yearning that invariably leads to a deep dissatisfaction with single life. As I said last time, one need not let go of their desire and hope for marriage to enjoy a very satisfied experience as a single today. And while many singles are satisfied and productive, far too many are not.
In keeping with this, let me share some of the things that have encouraged and stabilized my single life over the years. These are not coping skills. Let me be very clear about that. At the same time, some of these tools may help break the "coping pattern," so that one can live a free, healthy, and satisfying single life right now.
1. Invest yourself in Bible study and prayer. As a single, you probably have significantly fewer distractions and responsibilities competing for your time and attention. Take advantage of that. This bit of advice often gets a big "eye roll" from singles. I cannot express how often I've realized that some of the most special times I've experienced with God are the result of His ability to call me into the place of scripture study and prayer on a moment's notice. As a married person (especially once you have children) you will likely have to make time for God. As a single, you have a surplus of time (comparatively speaking). Invest it in your relationship with God. The expansion of your soul in Christ is the number one way to develop a settled sense of deep contentment as you wait on God for your husband or wife.
2. Develop relationships. Families tend to be somewhat insular. Not isolated, but insular. I knew most of my married friends while they were still single. I would estimate that once they married, my time with them was cut by about 90%. Once they had children, it was cut by about 98%. Some of these relationships are practically "phone" or "email" only relationships today. That is just the nature of putting your family first. Many singles naively think that married life, for them, will not represent a significant encroachment upon their time or prior relationships. It probably will, and there is nothing wrong or abnormal about that. So you want to take time to really invest in your circle of friends right now. Not only will you be grateful for the time you invested in that fellowship later, but deep and open relationships will go a long, long way in keeping you emotionally healthy and balanced as a single.
3. Find ways to serve. Can we be honest for a moment? Single to single here? Much of the dissatisfaction singles experience comes from an unhealthy focus on self. Spending too much time thinking about myself and what I want that I don't have. Service to others will not only bring you closer to God, but it has a dramatic tendency to turn the heart outward. Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that rational self-interest or personal desires are bad! I am saying that when we dwell too much on unfulfilled desires, it can take a toll on our emotional health. Practical service is a great way to keep our unmet hopes from being too all consuming.
Now, for a couple of tips that aren't so spiritual.
4. Get out of the house! I make it a regular habit to get out and do something, even if its by myself. Some of the best times I've had were the result of spontaneous solo ventures. Road trips. Concerts. Art galleries. Walks in the city. Coffee shops. Even restaurants. I could probably spend the rest of my life alone in a coffee shop, as long as I had some good books and an iPod. There is little more depressing than sitting alone in your house or apartment, watching TV. If this is your primary mode of existence, do not be surprised if much of your time is spent in a pattern of "wishing" for something else.
5. Invest in interests and find new ones. Do you have an interest or a hobby? Take the time to invest in it. Take that spare time to develop a talent or reach a goal. Keep your life in motion. Because I know that things can get old and tired once they are too familiar, be proactive in developing new interests. By looking into the interests of friends, combing local publications for events, and just trying different things out, I have developed numerous interests and pleasures over the last several years that have served to keep life fresh and interesting.
So, some of this might come off as just being kind of trite or consolatory. But I am telling you, if you'll take these things to heart, over time you'll find they go a long way in helping you maintain a sense of wholeness, while helping you avoid falling into patterns of yearning and dissatisfaction.
AND ANOTHER,
"The cool side of singleness? Is there any such thing???" In my experience, there most certainly is. I actually believe it is quite readily available for all singles...but, alas, so many singles are in such a state of despair over their singleness that they cannot see it.
Being the inquisitive person I can be, I've conducted highly personal interviews with married friends over the years. Every last one of them has expressed the same sentiment: "Marriage is wonderful. I wouldn't trade it. But do not despise singleness. You give up important things with marriage that you can never get back. Consider those things deeply and make the most of them now."
I like to think of my view of marriage as being a bit on the realistic side. In my mind, marriage is not a "cure" for singleness. I am absolutely positive that it is not a cure for loneliness. The human heart can be lonely in a crowd. Marriage is a trade-off in many ways. We exchange all the problems, pains, joys, and benefits of single life, for the problems, pains, joys, and benefits of married life.
Interestingly, the apostle Paul actually tells us that married life can, in fact, be more burdensome than single life. He says, "Those who marry in this life will have trouble and I am trying to spare you this." I know someone will pounce on me here, but remember - all I did was quote Paul.
So what is my point? To say singleness is BETTER than marriage? Absolutely not!! My point is to remind singles that singleness is not "a state of waiting to find my husband or wife." Sadly, this is exactly what singleness is for so many...even Christians.
Singles should be proactive with their singleness. Singles should ask God what He would seek to accomplish through their singleness. Singleness is an unparalleled opportunity to serve God. Paul also said, "The unmarried person is completely devoted to God, while the married person is divided...part on pleasing God, part on pleasing their spouse."
For example, one friend recounted for me how precious his time with God was in the mornings before he was married. Once marriage came, there was a distraction. Then came the first child. He said, "Boy, I love my family. They are the greatest gift God has ever given me. But I also miss those precious times in the morning with God. Sometimes the responsibility of family just invades that intimacy."
Singles have such an opportunity to seek and serve God without distraction. Without competing responsibilities. If you find your mate, by all means go for it!! But don't get so lost in your dreams for a mate that today's opportunities get lost. Don't get so lost in your desire for a husband or wife that you forget altogether the advantages of your singleness.
One of my greatest burdens for singles in the Body of Christ is to see them let go of the pain and yearning that keeps them in bondage until their wedding day. It need not be that way. It need not. One can find satisfaction in Christ and His call today without necessarily giving up hope for a mate tomorrow. One can always get married tomorrow, but you don't get a "do-over" on your singleness once you've married.
NOW THIS IS GETTING LONG, I WILL POST THE OTHER ARTICLE NEXT TIME.
I like the way the way he writes, which I will post here for my easy reference, I normally jot these things down on paper. Generally, not just on this topic. Any wording I fancy, or take notice because of how its phrased. Tee-hee-ha! I am after the writing style, word choice, and all the other things that make written material good reading-at least in my book.
A few words for the women on this one:
remove your name from his hat of contestants.
make way for someone who only has eyes for you.
smothering him with attention
if you make yourself part of his harem, don't complain when he treats you as such (Ugh!) can't help but react this one
Seek God's face for the one best fashioned for you.
don't be the lost puppy dog following his every footstep. (yikes!) there goes another comment.
Because this need for connection is so fundamental to our design, when it goes unmet for any real length of time, serious consequences usually result
Loneliness - over time - gives way to depression. If a human being's deprivation in this area results in radical isolation, it can even lead to mental breakdown.
It is important for singles to constantly remember that God knows and understands how He designed us and does not take unmet needs fundamental to our design lightly. And, as in all things, His grace provides a buffer for us when these needs go unmet.
One of these "grace buffers"
Granted, the relationships David might have been referring to were less than exemplary.
His marriage to Saul's daughter, Michal, was fraught with tension.
She was domineering and treacherous, and scripture indicates that Saul gave her in marriage to David specifically because he knew she would "be a snare to him."
I have been fortunate to have several such relationships over the course of my Christian journey, and testify to the power of these friendships in offsetting some of my own unmet God-given desires.
Be intentional about finding your Jonathan.
David and Jonathan were brought into one another's proximity by God's providence.
If you notice someone in your life that fits the description of a Jonathan, invest heavily in the relationship.
Singles often try to amass as many friends as possible,
is nothing wrong with enriching and expanding your social circle.
this can result in the illusion that quantity equals quality.
Don't look at them as a second-rate substitute for...
NOW THIS, I HAVE TO COPY PASTE ENTIRELY!
My approach to single issues has always been a bit different. I spend a lot of my time seeking to bring singles into balance with their single life...trying to help them avoid the trap of thinking their lives aren't really significant until they find a mate.
Others are doing a great job communicating to singles the more practical issues of wisdom, building character, and preparing for godly union with the opposite sex. My burden has been somewhat different - I want to help Christian singles break free of the painful yearning that invariably leads to a deep dissatisfaction with single life. As I said last time, one need not let go of their desire and hope for marriage to enjoy a very satisfied experience as a single today. And while many singles are satisfied and productive, far too many are not.
In keeping with this, let me share some of the things that have encouraged and stabilized my single life over the years. These are not coping skills. Let me be very clear about that. At the same time, some of these tools may help break the "coping pattern," so that one can live a free, healthy, and satisfying single life right now.
1. Invest yourself in Bible study and prayer. As a single, you probably have significantly fewer distractions and responsibilities competing for your time and attention. Take advantage of that. This bit of advice often gets a big "eye roll" from singles. I cannot express how often I've realized that some of the most special times I've experienced with God are the result of His ability to call me into the place of scripture study and prayer on a moment's notice. As a married person (especially once you have children) you will likely have to make time for God. As a single, you have a surplus of time (comparatively speaking). Invest it in your relationship with God. The expansion of your soul in Christ is the number one way to develop a settled sense of deep contentment as you wait on God for your husband or wife.
2. Develop relationships. Families tend to be somewhat insular. Not isolated, but insular. I knew most of my married friends while they were still single. I would estimate that once they married, my time with them was cut by about 90%. Once they had children, it was cut by about 98%. Some of these relationships are practically "phone" or "email" only relationships today. That is just the nature of putting your family first. Many singles naively think that married life, for them, will not represent a significant encroachment upon their time or prior relationships. It probably will, and there is nothing wrong or abnormal about that. So you want to take time to really invest in your circle of friends right now. Not only will you be grateful for the time you invested in that fellowship later, but deep and open relationships will go a long, long way in keeping you emotionally healthy and balanced as a single.
3. Find ways to serve. Can we be honest for a moment? Single to single here? Much of the dissatisfaction singles experience comes from an unhealthy focus on self. Spending too much time thinking about myself and what I want that I don't have. Service to others will not only bring you closer to God, but it has a dramatic tendency to turn the heart outward. Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that rational self-interest or personal desires are bad! I am saying that when we dwell too much on unfulfilled desires, it can take a toll on our emotional health. Practical service is a great way to keep our unmet hopes from being too all consuming.
Now, for a couple of tips that aren't so spiritual.
4. Get out of the house! I make it a regular habit to get out and do something, even if its by myself. Some of the best times I've had were the result of spontaneous solo ventures. Road trips. Concerts. Art galleries. Walks in the city. Coffee shops. Even restaurants. I could probably spend the rest of my life alone in a coffee shop, as long as I had some good books and an iPod. There is little more depressing than sitting alone in your house or apartment, watching TV. If this is your primary mode of existence, do not be surprised if much of your time is spent in a pattern of "wishing" for something else.
5. Invest in interests and find new ones. Do you have an interest or a hobby? Take the time to invest in it. Take that spare time to develop a talent or reach a goal. Keep your life in motion. Because I know that things can get old and tired once they are too familiar, be proactive in developing new interests. By looking into the interests of friends, combing local publications for events, and just trying different things out, I have developed numerous interests and pleasures over the last several years that have served to keep life fresh and interesting.
So, some of this might come off as just being kind of trite or consolatory. But I am telling you, if you'll take these things to heart, over time you'll find they go a long way in helping you maintain a sense of wholeness, while helping you avoid falling into patterns of yearning and dissatisfaction.
AND ANOTHER,
"The cool side of singleness? Is there any such thing???" In my experience, there most certainly is. I actually believe it is quite readily available for all singles...but, alas, so many singles are in such a state of despair over their singleness that they cannot see it.
Being the inquisitive person I can be, I've conducted highly personal interviews with married friends over the years. Every last one of them has expressed the same sentiment: "Marriage is wonderful. I wouldn't trade it. But do not despise singleness. You give up important things with marriage that you can never get back. Consider those things deeply and make the most of them now."
I like to think of my view of marriage as being a bit on the realistic side. In my mind, marriage is not a "cure" for singleness. I am absolutely positive that it is not a cure for loneliness. The human heart can be lonely in a crowd. Marriage is a trade-off in many ways. We exchange all the problems, pains, joys, and benefits of single life, for the problems, pains, joys, and benefits of married life.
Interestingly, the apostle Paul actually tells us that married life can, in fact, be more burdensome than single life. He says, "Those who marry in this life will have trouble and I am trying to spare you this." I know someone will pounce on me here, but remember - all I did was quote Paul.
So what is my point? To say singleness is BETTER than marriage? Absolutely not!! My point is to remind singles that singleness is not "a state of waiting to find my husband or wife." Sadly, this is exactly what singleness is for so many...even Christians.
Singles should be proactive with their singleness. Singles should ask God what He would seek to accomplish through their singleness. Singleness is an unparalleled opportunity to serve God. Paul also said, "The unmarried person is completely devoted to God, while the married person is divided...part on pleasing God, part on pleasing their spouse."
For example, one friend recounted for me how precious his time with God was in the mornings before he was married. Once marriage came, there was a distraction. Then came the first child. He said, "Boy, I love my family. They are the greatest gift God has ever given me. But I also miss those precious times in the morning with God. Sometimes the responsibility of family just invades that intimacy."
Singles have such an opportunity to seek and serve God without distraction. Without competing responsibilities. If you find your mate, by all means go for it!! But don't get so lost in your dreams for a mate that today's opportunities get lost. Don't get so lost in your desire for a husband or wife that you forget altogether the advantages of your singleness.
One of my greatest burdens for singles in the Body of Christ is to see them let go of the pain and yearning that keeps them in bondage until their wedding day. It need not be that way. It need not. One can find satisfaction in Christ and His call today without necessarily giving up hope for a mate tomorrow. One can always get married tomorrow, but you don't get a "do-over" on your singleness once you've married.
NOW THIS IS GETTING LONG, I WILL POST THE OTHER ARTICLE NEXT TIME.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Success Blockers
This is from my subscription to InTouch.org~ Charles Stanley's ministries. I had to copy paste it here for my easy reference...
Isaiah 41:10-11
Yesterday we saw that our almighty God desires that we reach His goals for our lives. We also have an Enemy who would love to impede our progress.
Scripture identifies areas that can impede achievement. These include fear, doubt, excuses, procrastination, and laziness. If we know what the roadblocks are, it is easier to identify and overcome them in our lives.
First, when we experience fear--whether of failure, criticism, rejection, or anything else--our focus shifts from Jesus to the very thing we want to avoid. Such apprehension can become bondage. The antidote is to bring our focus back to the Lord.
Second, doubt is a lack of assurance that God will help us to succeed. Past failures, negative influences, and ignorance of His Word can all lead to this obstacle.
Third, excuses are an effort to make disobedience more comfortable. "I haven't had the breaks others have," "my parents didn't teach me correctly," and "I am too busy" are false justification, as was Adam's attempt to blame Eve for his bad decision.
Fourth, procrastination--or delaying an action that causes discomfort--also inhibits success. Related to that is a fifth roadblock: laziness. This ungodly behavior can, for obvious reasons, prevent our achieving God's purpose.
Wise people check their "path" to identify anything that inhibits following Christ fully. If any of the above roadblocks are impeding your success, push them aside. Find scriptures to help battle temptations. And ask God for strength so you can live freely and
Isaiah 41:10-11
Yesterday we saw that our almighty God desires that we reach His goals for our lives. We also have an Enemy who would love to impede our progress.
Scripture identifies areas that can impede achievement. These include fear, doubt, excuses, procrastination, and laziness. If we know what the roadblocks are, it is easier to identify and overcome them in our lives.
First, when we experience fear--whether of failure, criticism, rejection, or anything else--our focus shifts from Jesus to the very thing we want to avoid. Such apprehension can become bondage. The antidote is to bring our focus back to the Lord.
Second, doubt is a lack of assurance that God will help us to succeed. Past failures, negative influences, and ignorance of His Word can all lead to this obstacle.
Third, excuses are an effort to make disobedience more comfortable. "I haven't had the breaks others have," "my parents didn't teach me correctly," and "I am too busy" are false justification, as was Adam's attempt to blame Eve for his bad decision.
Fourth, procrastination--or delaying an action that causes discomfort--also inhibits success. Related to that is a fifth roadblock: laziness. This ungodly behavior can, for obvious reasons, prevent our achieving God's purpose.
Wise people check their "path" to identify anything that inhibits following Christ fully. If any of the above roadblocks are impeding your success, push them aside. Find scriptures to help battle temptations. And ask God for strength so you can live freely and
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
For Some Reason
I dropped by my sister's yesterday. The dog was barking endlessly. I was tempted to turn my back away from the green gate and head to the main exit. Perhaps I came at the wrong time. An unholyhour. I wanted to see my nephew and spend time with them. My brother-in-law opened the gate. He was still limping after that fateful leg accident last Thursday night. He walked to their room for a nap.
I carried my nephew. It is a rare occasion as they live far. I noticed that his once protruding belly no longer nudged mine as much. I notice he is longer and his limbs are stronger. He looks like a tiny grandfather, there is an air of maturity in him, and his mischievous smile makes me wonder what is going on between those two tiny ears curled like rose pink mushrooms.
I went back to my writing. I was working on the sofa behind them. Sitting on my sister's lap, I see him peek every now and then to take a good look at me. He cranes his neck like a giant bird coming out from a cuckoo clock. He must have recognized me after all. I think he does. He did spend time with us in my parents' house.
My brother-in-law woke up. He joined us in the living room. The threesome were playing. My brother-in-law was making my nephew laugh. He started with tried and tested antics which worked well. Keeping on, until his mere voice grabbed my nephew's attention. He shrieks and his entire body laughs along. And as I bolt out to the stairs, I bid them goodbye. I did'nt want to be late for my next class.
Walking down the road. It hit me.
For some reason, I began to realize how my siblings are starting to build their own nests, away from home. It brought me to a lot of thinking. I wonder what life has in store next. And as I walked on further, the wind blew. I noticed falling leaves. I heard them rustle behind my trail and finally, the sun was dimming to welcome the night.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
He Did'nt Bring us This Far
Sometimes, I wake up to a song playing in my mind~ and I think it is because God is tugging at me, motioning me to spend time with Him. Recently, I received news that my niece shrieks in pain because of toothache and my sister's attempts to clean her mouth to remove food stuck inside are all futile. She won't keep still nor would she cooperate by simply opening her mouth. She must be a thousand miles from where we are. Sigh. I really think she should just come back here..
I remember God's faithfulness in the past and since He is eternal, unchanging, He remains faithful. He is. I remember this song~
Refrain:
He did'nt bring us this far, to leave us
He did'nt teach us to swim
To let us drown
He did'nt build His home in us
To move away
He did'nt lift us up
To let us down
There are some promises in a letter
Written a long, long time ago
They're not getting older
They're getting better
Because He still wants us to know...
Never use the word defeat
Claim His promises everyone of them
Every spoken word He'll keep
Because we're everything to Him.
I remember God's faithfulness in the past and since He is eternal, unchanging, He remains faithful. He is. I remember this song~
Refrain:
He did'nt bring us this far, to leave us
He did'nt teach us to swim
To let us drown
He did'nt build His home in us
To move away
He did'nt lift us up
To let us down
There are some promises in a letter
Written a long, long time ago
They're not getting older
They're getting better
Because He still wants us to know...
Never use the word defeat
Claim His promises everyone of them
Every spoken word He'll keep
Because we're everything to Him.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Everything for the Gospel
Its 8:58 in the morning, and its been quite a while since I've posted something here. I'm playing "Home Where I Belong" by B.J. Thomas. I'm feeling a bit rotten right now. I promised to help my friend Apple to tutor these two Koreans, still in highschool. One behaves well but the other is quite a spoiled brat frankly speaking. The "me, myself and I" type. Its hard. I actually took this job not for the pay alone (though that would be helpful right now..) but to understand the Korean culture more since I have a niece in Korea and so that I can communicate better with my sister who lives there. I also wanted to take a break from teaching very young kids. Sometimes, I feel like I am beginning to sound like them and I need to be with people older than me, or my age so I will learn to speak the language of the now. I do enjoy it but the content is all new. I have to study Chem and Math altogether and the last time I opened Chem and Trigonometry books was 1995. Phew! That is a good fifteen years. I still remember some terms and some math but boy, oh boy, I seem to be rusty at these now. feel awful not being able to answer all their questions correctly because I am not an authority.
I want to QUIT right now. I am praying about it. There is even a better offer. The mom of my former student is calling me up. Their house is nearer, the pay is better. We can begin and end early too.
Its a long travel from my house. The class ends at 9 p.m. which is followed by a long walk along shanties set in a dark road made visible by headlights of passing cars.
Suddenly I remember what my brother used to tell me, "everything for the gospel.." and so now, I come to God, and as I write, my heart prays that I will not leave for comforts sake but because it will further the gospel in their lives. They need someone who can help them with their academics and maybe, I am not that person.
I also do not want to put the Philippines in a bad light. A teacher like me who can't answer all their questions. A Filipino teacher who is accepting measly pay. Can my God not find me a better paying job?
Then again, I did want this experience. I did want this learning adventure. Is this the price to pay for a new experience?
I better go now. Off to the post office, and then back to SM.
I want to QUIT right now. I am praying about it. There is even a better offer. The mom of my former student is calling me up. Their house is nearer, the pay is better. We can begin and end early too.
Its a long travel from my house. The class ends at 9 p.m. which is followed by a long walk along shanties set in a dark road made visible by headlights of passing cars.
Suddenly I remember what my brother used to tell me, "everything for the gospel.." and so now, I come to God, and as I write, my heart prays that I will not leave for comforts sake but because it will further the gospel in their lives. They need someone who can help them with their academics and maybe, I am not that person.
I also do not want to put the Philippines in a bad light. A teacher like me who can't answer all their questions. A Filipino teacher who is accepting measly pay. Can my God not find me a better paying job?
Then again, I did want this experience. I did want this learning adventure. Is this the price to pay for a new experience?
I better go now. Off to the post office, and then back to SM.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Failure of Teacher Training Programs
I was chatting with a former colleague a few minutes earlier. She is now based in Davao. We exchanged websites for teaching. She told me about her aunt from Nigeria, who was married to an Italian long time ago. She is now a widower but is very much able to take care of herself, even buying a brand new car recently.
As teachers, the subject of leaving to work abroad surfaced again. Mutual friends have long left for greener pastures outside the Philippines. Surprisingly, amidst the recession, most are doing well and heaping praises even from their respective employers. I would be a hypocrite to say that working abroad never crossed my mind. It did. Pay, yes but more than that, it has been a long time dream to study in a good university to redeem my transcript because I want to teach in college someday. I also get fascinated with different cultures. I would feel sad to leave the Philippines, my family and the next generation of Filipinos for better pay elsewhere outside the country.
In the middle of this blog, I think of counter arguments such as, I can work earn and save to invest in a small business here in the Philippines someday. Working outside is highly educating. The best way to learn is not by listening to your professor in college, but, rather, in doing the actual job hands-on. I can always bring home the know-how.
These thoughts are in a constant debate in my mind. So far, my rambling has nothing to do with my title, but it should get there soon. I might continue this tomorrow as I am getting sleepy...I think I will get me a glass of water and continue this tomorrow. I'm yawning now..
As teachers, the subject of leaving to work abroad surfaced again. Mutual friends have long left for greener pastures outside the Philippines. Surprisingly, amidst the recession, most are doing well and heaping praises even from their respective employers. I would be a hypocrite to say that working abroad never crossed my mind. It did. Pay, yes but more than that, it has been a long time dream to study in a good university to redeem my transcript because I want to teach in college someday. I also get fascinated with different cultures. I would feel sad to leave the Philippines, my family and the next generation of Filipinos for better pay elsewhere outside the country.
In the middle of this blog, I think of counter arguments such as, I can work earn and save to invest in a small business here in the Philippines someday. Working outside is highly educating. The best way to learn is not by listening to your professor in college, but, rather, in doing the actual job hands-on. I can always bring home the know-how.
These thoughts are in a constant debate in my mind. So far, my rambling has nothing to do with my title, but it should get there soon. I might continue this tomorrow as I am getting sleepy...I think I will get me a glass of water and continue this tomorrow. I'm yawning now..
Thursday, July 9, 2009
It Is Well With My Soul
It has been a rather warm Friday. After lunch of fish and malunggay leaves cooked in the first pressing of coconut milk, I ran upstairs to check on the phone. For a while I thought I thought I heard it ring. I discovered the PC was still on. Sigh. My brother left it on again and You Tube was playing "It is Well with My Soul." One of my favorite gospel classics, I am pretty sure I've heard several versions but this one caught my attention. It was a performance by Wintley Phipps. What struck me was a brief testimony to which he added that "It is in the quiet crucible of your personal private suffering that your noblest dreams are born and God’s greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you have been through. "
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Great is Thy Faithfulness
A soothing balm for my distressed heart. Where else do I run to but to my Lord, my God, the rock of my salvation. When my heart breaks over the most painful reasons, which is family, I have nowhere to go but to God and remember His faithfulness in the past. I pray this prayer, Psalm 25:5.. Thou art the God of my salvation. You Oh Lord are the hope of our family. Father, I throw up my hands in the air. I throw up my hands in the air to You. Not that I have quit but I just recognize my inability to solve this pending conflict. I throw my hands up in the air because I am thrusting them towards heaven.
I copy pasted this from Spurgeon's July 8 devotionals.
Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day."
Psalms 25:5
Psalms 25:5
When the believer has begun with trembling feet to walk in the way of the Lord, he asks to be still led onward like a little child upheld by its parent's helping hand, and he craves to be further instructed in the alphabet of truth. Experimental teaching is the burden of this prayer. David knew much, but he felt his ignorance, and desired to be still in the Lord's school: four times over in two verses he applies for a scholarship in the college of grace. It were well for many professors if instead of following their own devices, and cutting out new paths of thought for themselves, they would enquire for the good old ways of God's own truth, and beseech the Holy Ghost to give them sanctified understandings and teachable spirits. "For thou art the God of my salvation." The Three-One Jehovah is the Author and Perfecter of salvation to his people. Reader, is he the God of your salvation? Do you find in the Father's election, in the Son's atonement, and in the Spirit's quickening, all the grounds of your eternal hopes? If so, you may use this as an argument for obtaining further blessings; if the Lord has ordained to save you, surely he will not refuse to instruct you in his ways. It is a happy thing when we can address the Lord with the confidence which David here manifests, it gives us great power in prayer, and comfort in trial. "On thee do I wait all the day." Patience is the fair handmaid and daughter of faith; we cheerfully wait when we are certain that we shall not wait in vain. It is our duty and our privilege to wait upon the Lord in service, in worship, in expectancy, in trust all the days of our life. Our faith will be tried faith, and if it be of the true kind, it will bear continued trial without yielding. We shall not grow weary of waiting upon God if we remember how long and how graciously he once waited for us.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Chicken Pox for the Soul
Its actually Sunday today, but I know that this post will register Saturday, July 4th. I am just home. Im approaching my third week of quarantine for chicken pox. I am here, isolated in the room with the computer to keep me busy and productive. Its really not too bad after all. You just have to look at it from the right perspective. God really has a way of gripping my attention. So many things are going on in my mind right now. Mental debates, reminiscing, future plans and all too often accompanied with sighs, tears, songs, verses of scripture. To add, my cousin posted two audio clips in her Facebook Account, What do I Know of Holy by Addison Road and God Speaking by Mandisa. Frankly, I am not a big fan of this kind of genre, so to speak. I associate it with Lisa Loeb, Alanis Morisette kind of music. Perhaps for the longest time I have kept to the usual favorites- Tommy Walker, Brenton Brown, Chris Tomlin, Hillsong, Steve Green, Bob Fitts and I must have missed some. But I gave these songs a chance and guess what? I liked them. I liked them so much that I have been playing both, alternately almost nonstop since yesterday.
What Do I Know of Holy hits home hard.. I've been a church-going, bible reading christian since childhood. And in the midst of the routine, the bible studies, the small group meetings, the Sunday and midweek gatherings, "do I really know holy?" Sometimes, its actually helpful to get chicken pox so that your soul gets nourished properly. And its actually God doing you a favor because His ways are higher than ours. I guess that I have thought that I have figured You out, I knew all the stories that I learned to talk about, how You were mighty to save, but those were only empty words on a page that I caught a glimpse of who You might be, the slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees. I realize sometimes, we get enamored in the miracles of yesterday. We are too caught up with the victories He won for us before. These are helpful lists to look back to, to once more, remember His faithfulness. But there comes a time in your walk with God that you realize that you miss those times. You miss the intimacy and so you start asking What do I know of holy?
For some strange reason, you are always in church. If they checked attendance, you were occasionally late but always present, seated in the front row. So its not the churchgoing really, but the heart that connects with God in a very intimate way. For some stranger reason, I'd rather have chicken pox and know holy than be up and about, not knowing holy.
I want to know You more Lord.
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