His Lenses

I woke up this morning caught up with myself again and the realization of things happening in our family. Both my parents are getting old. My father smokes a lot and then complains about his ulcers. How hard it is to honor him as the bible commands. Like a brat, I hurled my cellphone at the floor and nervously bended down to check if it is still in one piece. God in His goodness knows that I was being irrational.I put the pieces back together and it is still working.

My mother is back in her church, a cult. She tells me that she is different from everybody else there... Still, she chooses to attend their gatherings. I think she sees the group as her niche in this world. I see the failure of the church in being cold and indifferent, unable to meet the needs of their members. People are not drawn to the hoity toity grandness of programs. People are drawn to the love of Christ. Sometimes too, it is a case of purposely remaining distant. It becomes a choice. When God plucks us out of our miry pits, with the intentions of bringing us to new better beginnings, we sometimes squirm and ran back to the dirt and grime. It is because we do not see ourselves the way Christ sees us. We choose to see ourselves with our old pair of lenses.

It breaks my heart everytime she goes there. Like what my brother said, she may have left the group physically, for a short time but they remain in her heart.

Maybe this is what "when my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me" really mean. Also whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee. For sometimes, even love for family can very well take the place of our devotion to Christ. Sometimes, even the desire to better the welfare of those we love can take over God's throne in our hearts. That is why I know that I will finish my thesis and win in life. All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I know now in my heart how I love Jesus. I know now that I am called for something, which I may not know of, but I am. Big or small is really irrelevant. Why would the mission matter when being one with the Master's heart is enough?

Now she tells me she will go on a mission and might have to leave. Sometimes I want to poke a gun at my head. Of course, I am just saying this.

Because of all this, I do not see myself having a family in the near future. I have seen so much.

I am sorry Lord. I worship You Jesus, when the things of this world go strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. I can truly say that I am content with the nearness of Christ. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.