His Lenses

I woke up this morning caught up with myself again and the realization of things happening in our family. Both my parents are getting old. My father smokes a lot and then complains about his ulcers. How hard it is to honor him as the bible commands. Like a brat, I hurled my cellphone at the floor and nervously bended down to check if it is still in one piece. God in His goodness knows that I was being irrational.I put the pieces back together and it is still working.

My mother is back in her church, a cult. She tells me that she is different from everybody else there... Still, she chooses to attend their gatherings. I think she sees the group as her niche in this world. I see the failure of the church in being cold and indifferent, unable to meet the needs of their members. People are not drawn to the hoity toity grandness of programs. People are drawn to the love of Christ. Sometimes too, it is a case of purposely remaining distant. It becomes a choice. When God plucks us out of our miry pits, with the intentions of bringing us to new better beginnings, we sometimes squirm and ran back to the dirt and grime. It is because we do not see ourselves the way Christ sees us. We choose to see ourselves with our old pair of lenses.

It breaks my heart everytime she goes there. Like what my brother said, she may have left the group physically, for a short time but they remain in her heart.

Maybe this is what "when my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me" really mean. Also whom have I in heaven but Thee, there is nothing on earth I desire besides Thee. For sometimes, even love for family can very well take the place of our devotion to Christ. Sometimes, even the desire to better the welfare of those we love can take over God's throne in our hearts. That is why I know that I will finish my thesis and win in life. All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I know now in my heart how I love Jesus. I know now that I am called for something, which I may not know of, but I am. Big or small is really irrelevant. Why would the mission matter when being one with the Master's heart is enough?

Now she tells me she will go on a mission and might have to leave. Sometimes I want to poke a gun at my head. Of course, I am just saying this.

Because of all this, I do not see myself having a family in the near future. I have seen so much.

I am sorry Lord. I worship You Jesus, when the things of this world go strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. I can truly say that I am content with the nearness of Christ. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Circumcision of the Heart

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; Matthew 10:37

Good Timber

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To heaven from the common soil,

Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man,
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow in ease;
The stronger wind, the tougher trees;
The farther sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength;

By sun and cold, by rain and snows,
In tree or man, good timber grows.
Where thickest stands the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both;

And they hold converse with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and of much strife—
This is the common law of life.

~Douglas Malloch